Ok, so for my third trial, my pastor spoke on the end of Galatians last week and I got to thinkin'. First off, it says, "Carry each other's burdens..." then, a few verses later, "... for each one should carry his own load." At first, this may seem like somewhat of a contradiction, but the two key words, "burden" and "load", have different meanings. A burden would be something very heavy, so to speak. This would be a tragic situation that one would need help to get through. A load, however, is something lighter that you should carry on your own; a minor incident that may not be pleasant, but is only for you, not another, to handle. He spoke of two categories of people: those who treat everything as a load, not asking for help and eventually being crushed by their burdens. And those that treat everything like a burden, always searching for someone to assist them in their "crisis".

He gave examples of burdens and loads, asking us to decipher between the two. Oddly, the first example he mentioned was a married couple who have a few kids then one gets in a car crash and dies, burden or load? Majority says burden. Do I think I am carrying a burden that's crushing me? Well, no not really, not now, but it's not very light sometimes either. Did I treat it like a burden soon after the accident? No. And this is where I'm wondering if anybody else can relate. See, my family is lame at communicating to begin with, so after we lost my mom, we never shared how that made us feel. People came to offer help, but instead of being thankful, I was angry. I felt like their sympathy was pity and it made me incredibly uncomfortable. The communication in my family may have improved (a little), but we still don't talk about how we are feeling or how we felt concerning losing my mom. And now, I think I'm embarrassed that's it's even an issue. Because I reacted that way, treating it as a load when it was the hardest thing I've ever been through, I have noticed a pattern of closing myself off to people when I'm hurting or need help. I don't know if it all stems from that, but I know it was most obvious then.

So, you may have noticed that this is a pretty plain blog, but it's mainly for interacting w/ others. It probably won't get much fancier, but I'd love to hear in-put from anyone who may stumble across this. I'm still pretty hesitant to keep going with it, but thankfully I have a wonderfully encouraging husband.

This is pretty humorous actually; well, looking back. Last week, I wrote a ton and did something wack which ended up erasing it. Since that pretty much frustrated me enough to never do this again, I took a break. Then I attempted to repeat myself, but had to leave in the middle of it, so didn't post again. And now, here I am, back on the saddle. Now, I guess this isn't really important right now, since no one knows of this blog, but it will be a good laugh for me to look back on. Ha, ha, ha.

So, I've been thinking about doing this for a while now, but honestly, I'm very hesitant because I don't know how it will turn out. I'll just get straight to the point and say that I am interested in getting to know other people who have been through a similar experience that I have. My mom died in a car accident almost nine years ago, when I was eleven, and I am realizing that there is a lot of issues that I have yet to deal with, or do not know how to deal with, or do not know even what it is I’m dealing with. I've realized that, though it's hard, talking about it is the best way to heal and recently I read this book that made me think of reaching out to others who may have been through something similar may be the best way. And maybe, I pray, that this will be a helpful experience for many people. It may seem odd that I'm looking to find healing with total strangers, but if others have been through what I have, we aren't strangers. There are very personal feelings that we have or have had in common. I have yet to meet anyone who has lost a parent so abruptly, though I know there are many people out there who have. I have siblings that, ideally, I could talk to, but it's too close to heart still for us to really open up. So, even though it may be difficult, I would love to hear from those who are willing to share. I guess I would have to start with topics, but if you have any ideas, please let me know. (I'm working on getting comments set up on this page, but for now you can e-mail me: peachygirl81@hotmail.com )

hi.